
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!

The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
2008-11-20
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7.0Winner of 7 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, The Wiz was a massive Broadway hit which spawned a dismal feature film starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Executive Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron have assembled a Tony-winning creative team, the imaginative Cirque du Soleil Theatrical and a diverse cast of showstoppers designed to create an eye-popping new take on the musical unlike anything ever seen.
7.3As the 100th anniversary of Titanic's sinking approaches, a team of scientists, engineers, archaeologists and imaging experts have joined forces to answer one of the most haunting questions surrounding the legendary disaster: Just how did the "unsinkable" ship break apart and plunge into the icy waters of the North Atlantic? Written by History Channel
5.5A young tech worker takes a job at a powerful Internet corporation, quickly rises up the company's ranks, and soon finds herself in a perilous situation concerning privacy, surveillance and freedom. She comes to learn that her decisions and actions will determine the future of humanity.
7.5Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that's Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called "Forky" to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.
6.4A year after Amber helped Richard secure the crown. The two are set to tie the knot in a royal Christmas wedding — but their plans are jeopardized when Amber finds herself second-guessing whether or not she's cut out to be queen, and Richard is faced with a political crisis that threatens to tarnish not only the holiday season but the future of the kingdom.
7.5While on a business trip in Los Angeles, Edward Lewis, a millionaire entrepreneur who makes a living buying and breaking up companies, picks up a prostitute, Vivian, while asking for directions; after, Edward hires Vivian to stay with him for the weekend to accompany him to a few social events, and the two get closer only to discover there are significant hurdles to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between their very different worlds.
7.3Thirty years after defeating the Galactic Empire, Han Solo and his allies face a new threat from the evil Kylo Ren and his army of Stormtroopers.
5.5The quiet life of Baker Dill, a fishing boat captain who lives on the isolated Plymouth Island, where he spends his days obsessed with capturing an elusive tuna while fighting his personal demons, is interrupted when someone from his past comes to him searching for help.
7.4A twice-divorced mother of three who sees an injustice, takes on the bad guy and wins -- with a little help from her push-up bra. Erin goes to work for an attorney and comes across medical records describing illnesses clustered in one nearby town. She starts investigating and soon exposes a monumental cover-up.
6.4A midlife-crisis burdened Shrek, longing for the days when he felt like a real ogre, makes a pact with magic deal-maker Rumpelstiltskin. But when he's duped and sent to a twisted version of Far Far Away—where Rumpelstiltskin is king, ogres are hunted, and he and Fiona have never met—he sets out to restore his world and reclaim his true love.
8.2Seventeen-year-old Stella spends most of her time in the hospital as a cystic fibrosis patient. Her life is full of routines, boundaries and self-control — all of which get put to the test when she meets Will, an impossibly charming teen who has the same illness. There's an instant flirtation, though restrictions dictate that they must maintain a safe distance between them. As their connection intensifies, so does the temptation to throw the rules out the window and embrace that attraction.
6.8Driving cross-country, Ray and his wife and daughter stop at a highway rest area where his daughter falls and breaks her arm. After a frantic rush to the hospital and a clash with the check-in nurse, Ray is finally able to get her to a doctor. While the wife and daughter go downstairs for an MRI, Ray, exhausted, passes out in a chair in the lobby. Upon waking up, they have no record or knowledge of Ray's family ever being checked in.
7.3An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.
7.5Supervillains Harley Quinn, Bloodsport, Peacemaker and a collection of nutty cons at Belle Reve prison join the super-secret, super-shady Task Force X as they are dropped off at the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese.
7.4Susan Morrow receives a book manuscript from her ex-husband – a man she left 20 years earlier – asking for her opinion of his writing. As she reads, she is drawn into the fictional life of Tony Hastings, a mathematics professor whose family vacation turns violent.
6.8The magical kingdom of Lucis is home to the world’s last remaining Crystal, and the menacing empire of Niflheim is determined to steal it. King Regis of Lucis commands an elite force of soldiers called the Kingsglaive. Wielding their king’s magic, they fight to protect Lucis. As the overwhelming military might of the empire bears down, King Regis is faced with an impossible ultimatum – to marry his son, Prince Noctis to Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae, captive of Niflheim, and surrender his lands to Niflheim rule. Although the king concedes, it becomes clear that the empire will stop at nothing to achieve their devious goals, with only the Kingsglaive standing between them and world domination.
6.6As Batman hunts for the escaped Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime attacks the Gordon family to prove a diabolical point mirroring his own fall into madness.
6.7An epic journey into the world of dinosaurs where an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes an unlikely human friend.
7.3Step brothers Drake and Josh must give a foster family the best Christmas ever or face years in jail for a Christmas party gone wrong.
0.0The two conmen Bendel and Pettersson starts doing business together. Bendel got the brains and Pettersson the charm.
6.9Four friends from Calcutta who have very different personalities make a holiday excursion into the country, to a tiny village in the state of Bihar where they set themselves up in a bungalow. A series of minor events, all connected to their respective reactions to their new environment, reveals their characters more deeply.
6.8In front of a live audience at the Raleigh Memorial Auditorium at the Progress Energy Center for the Performing Arts in Raleigh, North Carolina, the Emmy-nominated host of Real Time with Bill Maher performs an all-new hour of stand-up comedy. Among the topics Bill discusses in his ninth HBO solo special are: Whether the "Great Recession" is really over; the fake patriotism of the right wing; what goes on in the mind of a terrorist; why Obama needs a posse instead of the secret service; the drug war; Michael Jackson; getting out of Iraq and Afghanistan; racism; the Teabagger movement; religion; the health-care fight; why Gov. Mark Sanford will come out looking good, and how silly it is to ask "Why do men cheat?"; and why comedy most definitely didn't die when George Bush left office.
7.2Four old friends - Kamil, Lesha, Sasha and Slava - all well-to-do professionals in their late 30s embarking on a two days road trip from Moscow to Odessa. They wish to escape the metropolis and the everyday routine of work, family and girlfriends to relax in a nightclub run by Slava's friend and to see the popular band B-2 show.
8.0Adam Ferrara brings the stage to life with his honest, clever, and fearless, perspective on family, relationships and himself. He has an innate ability to draw you in with thoughtful laughter that exposes the sharp truths behind his comedy. Absolutely hilarious!
6.8It's 1985 and while the country is focused in the victories of the national cyclists in the Tour of France, life changes in the blink of an eye for Elvis Antonio, a 12 year old boy passionate for pro cycling, and now he must take a painful but hilarious journey that leads him to discover the biggest secret his family keeps.
6.6This Christmas, Damian Wayne wants to be a superhero like his dad – the one and only Batman. When Damian is left home alone while Batman takes on Gotham’s worst supervillains on Christmas Eve, he stumbles upon a villainous plot to steal Christmas and leaps at the chance to save the day.
6.7As Halloweentown prepares to celebrate its 1,000th anniversary, Marnie Piper and her brother Dylan return to Witch University, where trouble is in session from the Sinister Sisters and from someone who's plotting to use Marnie's powers for evil.
5.7A boy witnesses his mother kissing what he believes to be is the real Santa Clause and retaliates with mischief.
5.9A car magnate watches his personal and professional life hit the skids because of his business and romantic indiscretions.
5.5Uncensored. Laugh along with Hollywood's brightest stars in this hilarious compilation of bloopers from some of the biggest movies in history . You'll see stars such as Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Lucille Ball, Bob Hope, Ronald Reagan, Marlene Dietrich, Boris Karloff, Edward G. Robinson, Errol Flynn and more. They're not so perfect after all when these flubbed moments are caught on film!
5.2Brothers Tom and Niek are running the family's costume rental store. Former soap star Tom doesn't take his job and his relationships very seriously. Niek on the other hand, is a workaholic, which recently led to a separation from his wife Karin. When the brothers are preparing for the busy holiday season, attractive Julia walks through the door with an offer they can't refuse: participating in a bold ad campaign that will rock Dutch holiday traditions to their core. Soon enough, Tom and Niek find themselves in a whirlwind of family issues, national cultural matters and love, after which neither of them will ever be the same.
4.5After their successful May party, now the Lehmann family want to throw a New Year's Eve part with punch. Wilhelm's sons Franz and Paul are brigade leaders at a chemical factory. One of their brigades consists largely of fanatics of high culture, while the other consists of sports fanatics. But the rival brigades must work together in order to throw a successful New Year's Eve party for the factory, since the occasion requires both elements: sports and culture.
6.9Hapless Henry Palfrey is patronised by his self-important chief clerk at work, ignored by restaurant waiters, conned by shady second-hand car salesmen, and, worst of all, endlessly wrong-footed by unspeakably rotten cad Raymond Delauney who has set his cap at April, new love of Palfrey's life. In desperation Henry enrolls at the College of Lifemanship to learn how to best such bounders and win the girl.
6.5Marnie puts her magic on the line to get several Halloweentown teenagers transferred to her high school in the mortal world. But soon, Marnie and her new friends are in trouble and out of luck when the evil Knight Of The Iron Dagger appears. He's determined to destroy all things magical, and it's up to Marnie to save her high school, the human world and her magic.
5.1Two girls go away to a holiday resort looking for a change of pace, hoping to meet some nice men for a change. They discover that they can't find the perfect man, and this forces them to reconsider their attitudes to men in general.
10.0Asmara is lucky to be married to Diana Wulandari, who is beautiful and wealthy. Inheritance lies ahead of him. But Asmara easily attracts women, as well as the sexy Diana Dwiyana. Soon, Diana becomes pregnant and asks Asmara to take responsibility. Apparently, she is the sister of an army colonel who would seek violent justice against him. But Diana Wulandari is also pregnant. As a gift, his father-in-law registers a new company and gives it to Asmara. Then Diana Dwiyana threatens to tell his wife of their affair. Terrified, Asmara hires Bakri, a hit man, to get rid of Diana Dwiyana. Then he disappears. During his flight, he meets a thug who tells him that the safest place to hide is in the prison. So Asmara makes trouble to go to jail. Due to his wit, Asmara even creates a new business inside prison and becomes the favorite inmate.
6.2When his dysfunctional family clashes over the holidays, young Max is disillusioned and turns his back on Christmas. Little does he know, this lack of festive spirit has unleashed the wrath of Krampus: a demonic force of ancient evil intent on punishing non-believers.