Himself

The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
2008-11-20
8
6.0Trotín Troteras is the disinterested witness of the absurd situations lived first by a lecturer and then by a soldier with an umbrella, which opens when it stops raining and closes when it rains…
6.7The story of an odd family in which two uncles, apparently bachelors, play the role of mother and father for their two orphan nephews in the Valencia of the 1960s and 70s.
6.0A father, who can't keep his promises, dies in a car accident. One year later, he returns as a snowman, who has the final chance to put things right with his son before he is gone forever.
6.5Four best friends (Tibby, Lena, Carmen & Bridget) who buy a mysterious pair of pants that fits each of them, despite their differing sizes, and makes whoever wears them feel fabulous. When faced with the prospect of spending their first summer apart, the pals decide they'll swap the pants so that each girl in turn can enjoy the magic.
5.8When Champion City's hero Captain Amazing is kidnapped by the recently paroled supervillain Casanova Frankenstein, a trio of average, everyday superheroes -- Mr. Furious, the Shoveler and the Blue Raja -- assemble a new super team to save him.
6.0Vada Sultenfuss has a holiday coming up, and an assignment: to do and essay on someone she admires and has never met. She decides she wants to do an assignment on her mother, but quickly realises she knows very little about her. She manages to get her father to agree to let her go to LA to stay with her Uncle Phil and do some research on her mother.
5.6Now that Santa and Mrs. Claus have the North Pole running smoothly, the Counsel of Legendary Figures has called an emergency meeting on Christmas Eve! The evil Jack Frost has been making trouble, looking to take over the holiday! So he launches a plan to sabotage the toy factory and compel Scott to invoke the little-known Escape Clause and wish he'd never become Santa.
6.1A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy town of Little Haven – at Christmas – forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones. But they soon discover that no one is safe in this new world, and with civilization falling apart around them, the only people they can truly rely on are each other.
5.1The subject of male prostitution gets a distinctly zany and offbeat twist in Stellungswechsel (AKA Special Escort), Maggie Peren's tale of five male underdogs who promulgate themselves as female escorts in the city of Munich. Of that group, we meet policeman Gy, in hot water with his insurance company and enduring the vicissitudes of an on-again, off-again romance with comely Daphne; twentysomething Lasse, who lives with his mom and is pathetically henpecked by her; Giselher, a chronically unemployed former manager; Frank, a philologist who spends his days as a house husband; and Olli, a deli proprietor whose business is rapidly going under. These five conjure up the wild idea of charging for liaisons with emotionally needy women, but the scheme doesn't exactly go as planned - as none can even begin to anticipate the eccentricities or oddities of the female clients who turn up in response to their offer.
6.0Perennially stoned Cheech and Chong tear through the city of Los Angeles, causing trouble wherever they go. After Cheech loses his job, the two pot enthusiasts head to the welfare offices where Cheech's girlfriend, Donna, works. Instead of collecting unemployment, they find themselves thrown back on the streets, searching for a way to earn new income. But when Cheech's cousin, "Red" Mendoza, arrives, things get even crazier.
6.9While recovering in a hospital, war hero Jefferson Jones grows familiar with the "Diary of a Housewife" column written by Elizabeth Lane. Jeff's nurse arranges with Elizabeth's publisher, Alexander Yardley, for Jeff to spend the holiday at Elizabeth's bucolic Connecticut farm with her husband and child. But the column is a sham, so Elizabeth and her editor, Dudley Beecham, in fear of losing their jobs, hasten to set up the single, childless and entirely nondomestic Elizabeth on a country farm.
6.1When their only daughter Blair leaves the family nest, Luther and Nora Krank decide to book an island cruise to beat the yuletide blues and just skip the holidays. But their decision to boycott tradition has the whole neighborhood in an uproar, and when Blair calls on Christmas Eve to announce a surprise visit with her new fiancée, the Kranks have just twelve hours to perform a miracle and pull themselves and their neighbors together to throw the best celebration ever!
6.6A gathering of friends celebrating the 25th anniversary of high school.
0.0The maid quits at the Sommer family household and because no one in the family can cook they desperately needs a new maid. The son in the family, Åke, is a famous actor at the theater and when the up and coming actress Marianne (who also has a crush on the famous Åke) hears about the Sommers needing a new maid, she seizes the opportunity and goes undercover as a maid to get closer to Åke and the big roles in the theater.
7.2A town—where everyone seems to be named Johnson—stands in the way of the railroad. In order to grab their land, robber baron Hedley Lamarr sends his henchmen to make life in the town unbearable. After the sheriff is killed, the town demands a new sheriff from the Governor, so Hedley convinces him to send the town the first black sheriff in the west.
7.0A group of strangers come across a man dying after a car crash who proceeds to tell them about the $350,000 he buried in California. What follows is the madcap adventures of those strangers as each attempts to claim the prize for himself.
7.4In New York, Felix, a neurotic news writer who just broke up with his wife, is urged by his chaotic friend Oscar, a sports journalist, to move in with him, but their lifestyles are as different as night and day are, so Felix's ideas about housekeeping soon begin to irritate Oscar.
6.5On Christmas Eve, divorced dad Scott Calvin and his son discover Santa Claus has fallen off their roof. When Scott takes the reins of the magical sleigh, he finds he is now the new Santa, and must convince a world of disbelievers, including himself.
5.0Antonio Torres, a serious singer of Spanish popular music, and Bárbara, a vivacious yé-yé singer, face off in a chaotic contest promoted by Rodolfo Sicilia, an overworked publicist.
0.0Three women each have their own ambitions and aspirations. The first dreams of fame and fortune and meets a rich, married man she attempts to court. The second is a secretary with designs on her boss, even though he too is married. Having learned from her friends' experiences, the third takes an altogether different path.
7.0Winner of 7 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, The Wiz was a massive Broadway hit which spawned a dismal feature film starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Executive Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron have assembled a Tony-winning creative team, the imaginative Cirque du Soleil Theatrical and a diverse cast of showstoppers designed to create an eye-popping new take on the musical unlike anything ever seen.
7.3As the 100th anniversary of Titanic's sinking approaches, a team of scientists, engineers, archaeologists and imaging experts have joined forces to answer one of the most haunting questions surrounding the legendary disaster: Just how did the "unsinkable" ship break apart and plunge into the icy waters of the North Atlantic? Written by History Channel
5.5A young tech worker takes a job at a powerful Internet corporation, quickly rises up the company's ranks, and soon finds herself in a perilous situation concerning privacy, surveillance and freedom. She comes to learn that her decisions and actions will determine the future of humanity.
7.5Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that's Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called "Forky" to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.
6.4A year after Amber helped Richard secure the crown. The two are set to tie the knot in a royal Christmas wedding — but their plans are jeopardized when Amber finds herself second-guessing whether or not she's cut out to be queen, and Richard is faced with a political crisis that threatens to tarnish not only the holiday season but the future of the kingdom.
7.5While on a business trip in Los Angeles, Edward Lewis, a millionaire entrepreneur who makes a living buying and breaking up companies, picks up a prostitute, Vivian, while asking for directions; after, Edward hires Vivian to stay with him for the weekend to accompany him to a few social events, and the two get closer only to discover there are significant hurdles to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between their very different worlds.
7.3Thirty years after defeating the Galactic Empire, Han Solo and his allies face a new threat from the evil Kylo Ren and his army of Stormtroopers.
5.4The quiet life of Baker Dill, a fishing boat captain who lives on the isolated Plymouth Island, where he spends his days obsessed with capturing an elusive tuna while fighting his personal demons, is interrupted when someone from his past comes to him searching for help.
7.4A twice-divorced mother of three who sees an injustice, takes on the bad guy and wins -- with a little help from her push-up bra. Erin goes to work for an attorney and comes across medical records describing illnesses clustered in one nearby town. She starts investigating and soon exposes a monumental cover-up.
6.4A bored and domesticated Shrek pacts with deal-maker Rumpelstiltskin to get back to feeling like a real ogre again, but when he's duped and sent to a twisted version of Far Far Away—where Rumpelstiltskin is king, ogres are hunted, and he and Fiona have never met—he sets out to restore his world and reclaim his true love.
8.2Seventeen-year-old Stella spends most of her time in the hospital as a cystic fibrosis patient. Her life is full of routines, boundaries and self-control — all of which get put to the test when she meets Will, an impossibly charming teen who has the same illness. There's an instant flirtation, though restrictions dictate that they must maintain a safe distance between them. As their connection intensifies, so does the temptation to throw the rules out the window and embrace that attraction.
6.7Driving cross-country, Ray and his wife and daughter stop at a highway rest area where his daughter falls and breaks her arm. After a frantic rush to the hospital and a clash with the check-in nurse, Ray is finally able to get her to a doctor. While the wife and daughter go downstairs for an MRI, Ray, exhausted, passes out in a chair in the lobby. Upon waking up, they have no record or knowledge of Ray's family ever being checked in.
7.3An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.
7.5Supervillains Harley Quinn, Bloodsport, Peacemaker and a collection of nutty cons at Belle Reve prison join the super-secret, super-shady Task Force X as they are dropped off at the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese.
7.4Susan Morrow receives a book manuscript from her ex-husband – a man she left 20 years earlier – asking for her opinion of his writing. As she reads, she is drawn into the fictional life of Tony Hastings, a mathematics professor whose family vacation turns violent.
6.7The magical kingdom of Lucis is home to the world’s last remaining Crystal, and the menacing empire of Niflheim is determined to steal it. King Regis of Lucis commands an elite force of soldiers called the Kingsglaive. Wielding their king’s magic, they fight to protect Lucis. As the overwhelming military might of the empire bears down, King Regis is faced with an impossible ultimatum – to marry his son, Prince Noctis to Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae, captive of Niflheim, and surrender his lands to Niflheim rule. Although the king concedes, it becomes clear that the empire will stop at nothing to achieve their devious goals, with only the Kingsglaive standing between them and world domination.
6.6As Batman hunts for the escaped Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime attacks the Gordon family to prove a diabolical point mirroring his own fall into madness.
6.7An epic journey into the world of dinosaurs where an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes an unlikely human friend.