
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
2008-11-20
8
7.0After Santa Claus (codename: Red One) is kidnapped, the North Pole's Head of Security must team up with the world's most infamous tracker in a globe-trotting, action-packed mission to save Christmas.
5.0Ebenezer Nezzer is out of control! He's trying to make Easter bigger than ever by filling London with plastic eggs! But just how hard can his mechanical chickens work before they're… well, fried? In just one unforgettable day and night, Cavis and Millward (Bob and Larry) and a music box angel named Hope must convince Nezzer that Easter is about more than candy and eggs. Inspired by Dickens' Christmas classic, this very special VeggieTales film explains why millions of Christians around the world celebrate Easter past, present and future.
5.2Gaither Vocal Band - Live In Concert in New Orleans. The Gaither Vocal Band Performs Live in New Orleans, LA. Bill Gaither, Mark Lowry, Guy Penrod, David Phelps, and friend of the GVB sing southern gospel songs and reminisce
4.5An honest man puts an ad looking for a room to rent in an honest house and receives five peculiar answers.
6.0Koizumi Risa an unusually tall high school girl, meets the "vertically challenged" young man Otani Atsushi. They find common ground in height anxieties and interests. Risa, a tall Japanese girl, gets rejected by a boy because she is taller than him. Otani, a short Japanese guy, gets rejected by a girl because he is shorter than her. Obviously these two would make the oddest of couples and would never be a good match for each other right?
5.7As Ariel, an up-and-coming magazine writer, and Mark, a successful architect, battle over ownership of an idyllic Christmas cottage, they soon discover that their cozy holiday getaway may not be the only thing they love.
0.0Julia works as a cashier at a piano factory in Stockholm. She and a couple friend go on a ski vacation to northern Sweden, while her boss at the piano factory notices there a money missing in cash register. He suspects Julia who have to prove her innocence.
0.0Wholesaler Ferdinand wants his son to marry his firm partner's daughter, but the problem is they don't want to get married. The son turns to a friend for advice. It turns out that Ferdinand had a daughter from a previous marriage he didn't know nothing about, which leads to further confusion
0.0A local newspaper editor in northern Sweden starts to spread a rumor that sextuplets has been born. In reality it turns out that it's only two sets of twins.
5.6As another round of preliminary tests approach for Keitarō, so does Christmas. And as the first Christmas of the millennium, there is a rumor that if one confesses his love on this special eve it will come true. Keitarō has decided what he needs to do on this Christmas eve. But being a retaker, can he afford taking attention away from the tests on the same day?
6.8The film shows the day when Rui and Vani first met. It was at their wedding (with other partners). Vani was going to marry Sérgio, and Rui would marry Marta in the same church, following Vani's marriage. While waiting for the ceremony, they begin to talk. Complications ensue.
6.2Four Lithuania's founding fathers suddenly come back to life 100 years later after signing Lithuania's declaration of independence. Now it's stored somewhere in Berlin's archives, and they are on a mission to get it back.
0.0A man stands in line for his morning coffee blissfully unaware at how life defining his encounter with the slack-jawed, gum chewing barista will actually be.
6.8A fish-out-of-water comedy where the fish can set people on fire! Wendy (Chingmy Yau) arrives in Hong Kong to stay with her aunt Big Beer (Deannie Ip), who shares a space with her landlord Charles (Lawrence Cheng). There’s just one problem: Wendy can set things on fire with her mind. Her pyrokinetic powers are accompanied with some bad luck, so the victim usually gets a double whammy of charred flesh and misfortune.
7.0'Tis the season to be cool, as Beavis and Butt-Head star in their own twisted version of two holiday classics. The ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future struggle to teach a Scrooge-like Beavis the true meaning of Christmas, while Charlie the angel comes down from heaven to show Butt-Head how much better life would be without him. Will Beavis and Butt-Head learn their lesson? Does a snowflake have a chance in hell?
6.6Ron White does an hour long standup routine about his life, things that bother him, and other thoughts.
8.4The lively João Grilo and the sly Chicó are poor guys living in the hinterland who cheat a bunch of people in a small town in Northeastern Brazil. When they die, they have to be judged by Christ, the Devil and the Virgin Mary before they are admitted to paradise.
7.0Winner of 7 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, The Wiz was a massive Broadway hit which spawned a dismal feature film starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Executive Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron have assembled a Tony-winning creative team, the imaginative Cirque du Soleil Theatrical and a diverse cast of showstoppers designed to create an eye-popping new take on the musical unlike anything ever seen.
7.3As the 100th anniversary of Titanic's sinking approaches, a team of scientists, engineers, archaeologists and imaging experts have joined forces to answer one of the most haunting questions surrounding the legendary disaster: Just how did the "unsinkable" ship break apart and plunge into the icy waters of the North Atlantic? Written by History Channel
5.5A young tech worker takes a job at a powerful Internet corporation, quickly rises up the company's ranks, and soon finds herself in a perilous situation concerning privacy, surveillance and freedom. She comes to learn that her decisions and actions will determine the future of humanity.
7.5Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that's Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called "Forky" to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.
6.4A year after Amber helped Richard secure the crown. The two are set to tie the knot in a royal Christmas wedding — but their plans are jeopardized when Amber finds herself second-guessing whether or not she's cut out to be queen, and Richard is faced with a political crisis that threatens to tarnish not only the holiday season but the future of the kingdom.
7.5While on a business trip in Los Angeles, Edward Lewis, a millionaire entrepreneur who makes a living buying and breaking up companies, picks up a prostitute, Vivian, while asking for directions; after, Edward hires Vivian to stay with him for the weekend to accompany him to a few social events, and the two get closer only to discover there are significant hurdles to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between their very different worlds.
7.3Thirty years after defeating the Galactic Empire, Han Solo and his allies face a new threat from the evil Kylo Ren and his army of Stormtroopers.
5.5The quiet life of Baker Dill, a fishing boat captain who lives on the isolated Plymouth Island, where he spends his days obsessed with capturing an elusive tuna while fighting his personal demons, is interrupted when someone from his past comes to him searching for help.
7.4A twice-divorced mother of three who sees an injustice, takes on the bad guy and wins -- with a little help from her push-up bra. Erin goes to work for an attorney and comes across medical records describing illnesses clustered in one nearby town. She starts investigating and soon exposes a monumental cover-up.
6.4A midlife-crisis burdened Shrek, longing for the days when he felt like a real ogre, makes a pact with magic deal-maker Rumpelstiltskin. But when he's duped and sent to a twisted version of Far Far Away—where Rumpelstiltskin is king, ogres are hunted, and he and Fiona have never met—he sets out to restore his world and reclaim his true love.
8.2Seventeen-year-old Stella spends most of her time in the hospital as a cystic fibrosis patient. Her life is full of routines, boundaries and self-control — all of which get put to the test when she meets Will, an impossibly charming teen who has the same illness. There's an instant flirtation, though restrictions dictate that they must maintain a safe distance between them. As their connection intensifies, so does the temptation to throw the rules out the window and embrace that attraction.
6.8Driving cross-country, Ray and his wife and daughter stop at a highway rest area where his daughter falls and breaks her arm. After a frantic rush to the hospital and a clash with the check-in nurse, Ray is finally able to get her to a doctor. While the wife and daughter go downstairs for an MRI, Ray, exhausted, passes out in a chair in the lobby. Upon waking up, they have no record or knowledge of Ray's family ever being checked in.
7.3An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.
7.5Supervillains Harley Quinn, Bloodsport, Peacemaker and a collection of nutty cons at Belle Reve prison join the super-secret, super-shady Task Force X as they are dropped off at the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese.
7.4Susan Morrow receives a book manuscript from her ex-husband – a man she left 20 years earlier – asking for her opinion of his writing. As she reads, she is drawn into the fictional life of Tony Hastings, a mathematics professor whose family vacation turns violent.
6.8The magical kingdom of Lucis is home to the world’s last remaining Crystal, and the menacing empire of Niflheim is determined to steal it. King Regis of Lucis commands an elite force of soldiers called the Kingsglaive. Wielding their king’s magic, they fight to protect Lucis. As the overwhelming military might of the empire bears down, King Regis is faced with an impossible ultimatum – to marry his son, Prince Noctis to Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae, captive of Niflheim, and surrender his lands to Niflheim rule. Although the king concedes, it becomes clear that the empire will stop at nothing to achieve their devious goals, with only the Kingsglaive standing between them and world domination.
6.6As Batman hunts for the escaped Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime attacks the Gordon family to prove a diabolical point mirroring his own fall into madness.
6.7An epic journey into the world of dinosaurs where an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes an unlikely human friend.