
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!

The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
2008-11-20
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6.3Amy, Kiki and Carla – three under-appreciated and over-burdened women – rebel against the challenges and expectations of the Super Bowl for mothers: Christmas. And if creating a more perfect holiday for their families wasn’t hard enough, they have to do all of that while hosting and entertaining their own mothers.
6.8In this holiday prequel, it’s 1997 and Sunnyvale Trailer Park is getting ready for the holiday season. Julian’s got a great idea to make money this Christmas, Ricky gets confused between God and Santa, and Bubbles tries to get the Boys together for an annual Christmas bonfire. Meanwhile, Mr. Lahey is thrilled because Christmas is the only day of the year that his wife Barb allows him to have a few drinks. Directed by series creator Mike Clattenburg, this hour-long special takes place before Jamie was J-Roc, before Randy and Lahey were a couple, and before the Shitmobile was missing a door.
7.0After winning $6.2 million in the 1976 New York State Lottery, he is arrested for throwing rocks at a church. He then tells his story at the police station.
7.1A kidnapped Fred Savage is forced to endure Deadpool's PG-13 rendition of Deadpool 2, as a Princess Bride-esque story that's full of magic, wonder, and zero Fs.
7.2When a team of mercenaries breaks into a wealthy family compound on Christmas Eve, taking everyone inside hostage, the team isn’t prepared for a surprise combatant: Santa Claus is on the grounds, and he’s about to show why this Nick is no saint.
6.2This time, there's no wedding. No bachelor party. What could go wrong, right? But when the Wolfpack hits the road, all bets are off.
7.2Ricky Gervais dishes out controversial takes on political correctness and oversensitivity in a taboo-busting comedy special about the end of humanity.
6.0A commitment-phobic 27-year old’s relationship is put to the test when she and her boyfriend attend 7 weddings in the same year.
7.0Ricky Gervais tackles life, death and the state of the world in a brutally honest special that spares no topic, even his own mortality.
7.3Eddie Murphy delights, shocks and entertains with dead-on celebrity impersonations, observations on '80s love, sex and marriage, a remembrance of Mom's hamburgers and much more.
6.5When college friends reunite after 15 years over the Christmas holidays, they discover just how easy it is for long-forgotten rivalries and romances to be reignited.
6.286-year-old Irving Zisman is on a journey across America with the most unlikely companion: his 8 year-old grandson, Billy.
6.1After his police officer brother is killed by a drug dealer who flees to the protection of his cartel-connected uncle in Mexico, an American man with a diverse law enforcement/military background goes south of the border to get revenge
7.1Hired to helm an Americanized take on a British play, director Lloyd Fellowes does his best to control an eccentric group of stage actors. With a star actress quickly passing her prime, a male lead with no confidence, and a bit actor that's rarely sober, chaos ensues in the lead up to a Broadway premiere.
6.0While Ron Burgundy's rivalry with Veronica Corningstone escalates quickly, a group of unprofessional thieves better known as 'The Alarm Clock' try to make the truth known, whatever that may mean...
6.3A burned-out professional sniper finds himself trapped in an all-glass penthouse by a lethal competitor and must find a way to survive and escape with little to no cover between him and the killer.
7.7Armed with boyish charm and a sharp wit, the former "SNL" writer offers sly takes on marriage, his beef with babies and the time he met Bill Clinton.
6.0A nurse is forced to spring a wounded murder suspect from the hospital when the man’s brother kidnaps his pregnant wife and wants to make a trade.
6.2A cranky middle-aged dad and his two best friends find themselves out of step in a changing world of millennial CEOs and powerful preschool principals.
6.1While doing the inventory for a lingerie outlet in a high rise office building, five attractive women are terrorized by a series of bizarre killings. They suspect that the strange janitor, who witnessed another series of killings years back, is at the bottom of the whole thing. Little do they know the real horror that they face in the end.
7.3An irritable marketing executive, Neal Page, is heading home to Chicago for Thanksgiving when a number of delays force him to travel with a well meaning but overbearing shower curtain ring salesman, Del Griffith.
7.2It's Christmastime, and the Griswolds are preparing for a family seasonal celebration. But things never run smoothly for Clark, his wife Ellen, and their two kids. Clark's continual bad luck is worsened by his obnoxious family guests, but he manages to keep going, knowing that his Christmas bonus is due soon.
6.8Jack's lavish, fast-paced lifestyle changes one Christmas night when he stumbles into a grocery store holdup and disarms the gunman. The next morning he wakes up in bed lying next to Kate, his college sweetheart he left in order to pursue his career, and to the horrifying discovery that his former life no longer exists. As he stumbles through this alternate suburban universe, Jack finds himself at a crossroad where he must choose between his high-power career and the woman he loves.
8.9Celebrate the season Scooby-Doo style as Scooby-Doo and the Mystery, Inc. gang face off festive frights, frosty nights and - jeepers - the ghost of Christmas, who wants to wish everyone a scary Christmas! In this collection of cold-weather capers, Scooby-Doo and the gang unwrap a series of mysteries in order to stop a group of chilling crooks from stealing the spirits of the season!
5.9Fred Claus and Santa Claus have been estranged brothers for many years. Now Fred must reconcile his differences with his brother whom he believes overshadows him. When an efficiency expert assesses the workings at the North Pole and threatens to shut Santa down, Fred must help his brother to save Christmas.
6.0Reuben Feffer is a guy who's spent his entire life playing it safe. Polly Prince is irresistible as a free-spirit who lives for the thrill of the moment. When these two comically mismatched souls collide, Reuben's world is turned upside down, as he makes an uproarious attempt to change his life from middle-of-the-road to totally-out-there.
6.4Malu, Lúcia and Maria found the ideal man to marry. Until they discover that in reality this man is the same person: Samuel, who was dating all of them over the past years. The three will have to decide if they will fight amongst each other for exclusivity or will unite in revenge.
5.0Attila is struggling to restart his life after a car accident forcing his sister in wheelchair. Meeting Zsolt could bring the opportunity, but Attila slowly realizes he is used to carry out an illegal mission around a billion dollar invention spied through his own eyes.
5.9A beloved writer-turned-CEO of her own Goop-like lifestyle brand, Prism, must secure a partnership with Singled Out to save her company, but the only way to appease them is for her to write a column on falling in love by Christmas with the help of the charming and handsome photographer who has been assigned to the piece.
5.7A wealthy executive, Drew Latham (Ben Affleck) has no close relationships and becomes nostalgic for his childhood home as Christmas approaches. When he visits the house and finds another family living there, he offers the residents, Tom Valco (James Gandolfini) and his wife, Christine (Catherine O'Hara), a large sum of money to pretend they are his parents. Soon Drew tests the couple's patience, and, when their daughter, Alicia (Christina Applegate), arrives, things get increasingly tense.
6.2The Baker family, while on vacation, find themselves in competition with a rival family of eight children.
6.8Frank Cross is a wildly successful television executive whose cold ambition and curmudgeonly nature has driven away the love of his life. But after firing a staff member on Christmas Eve, Frank is visited by a series of ghosts who give him a chance to re-evaluate his actions and right the wrongs of his past.
6.7Pop icon Sabrina Carpenter jingles all the bells in her first-ever variety music special full of holiday hits, unexpected duets and comedic cameos.
6.6You'd better watch out - Willie T. Soke is coming to town, and he doesn't care if you've been naughty or nice. Willie's favorite holiday tradition is to fill his sacks with loot lifted from shopping malls across the country. But this year his plot gets derailed by a wisecracking store detective, a sexy bartender, and a kid who's convinced Willie is the real Santa Claus.
4.0Michael and Suzie are an engaged couple taking their honeymoon off the coast of Spain. Their reservations are lost and Michael loses their luggage and money to a scam artist promising to get them a room. Suzie berates him and Michael, disenchanted with his nagging wife-to-be, gives in to the temptations that are all around them. He falls in with a free-wheeling motorcycle gang. Eventually his lover leaves him (Hemingway-style) for a bullfighter, and he and Suzie, having found their wild and independent spirit on the island, come back together.
6.2While visiting his hometown during Christmas, a man comes face-to-face with his old high school crush whom he was best friends with – a woman whose rejection of him turned him into a ferocious womanizer.
7.1Clark Griswold is on a quest to take his family to the Walley World theme park for a vacation, but things don't go exactly as planned.
4.0Though Eddie's fired right at Christmastime, his boss sends him and his family on a South Pacific vacation, hoping Eddie won't sue him after being bitten by a lab monkey. When the Tuttle family winds up trapped on a tropical island, however, Eddie manages to provide for everyone and prove himself a real man.
7.2A town—where everyone seems to be named Johnson—stands in the way of the railroad. In order to grab their land, robber baron Hedley Lamarr sends his henchmen to make life in the town unbearable. After the sheriff is killed, the town demands a new sheriff from the Governor, so Hedley convinces him to send the town the first black sheriff in the west.
6.4In suburban Chicago during the late 1980s, ten-year-old Jake Doyle embarks on a herculean quest to get the latest and greatest video game system for Christmas.