
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!

The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
2008-11-20
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7.0Winner of 7 Tony Awards, including Best Musical, The Wiz was a massive Broadway hit which spawned a dismal feature film starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Executive Producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron have assembled a Tony-winning creative team, the imaginative Cirque du Soleil Theatrical and a diverse cast of showstoppers designed to create an eye-popping new take on the musical unlike anything ever seen.
7.3As the 100th anniversary of Titanic's sinking approaches, a team of scientists, engineers, archaeologists and imaging experts have joined forces to answer one of the most haunting questions surrounding the legendary disaster: Just how did the "unsinkable" ship break apart and plunge into the icy waters of the North Atlantic? Written by History Channel
5.5A young tech worker takes a job at a powerful Internet corporation, quickly rises up the company's ranks, and soon finds herself in a perilous situation concerning privacy, surveillance and freedom. She comes to learn that her decisions and actions will determine the future of humanity.
7.5Woody has always been confident about his place in the world and that his priority is taking care of his kid, whether that's Andy or Bonnie. But when Bonnie adds a reluctant new toy called "Forky" to her room, a road trip adventure alongside old and new friends will show Woody how big the world can be for a toy.
6.4A year after Amber helped Richard secure the crown. The two are set to tie the knot in a royal Christmas wedding — but their plans are jeopardized when Amber finds herself second-guessing whether or not she's cut out to be queen, and Richard is faced with a political crisis that threatens to tarnish not only the holiday season but the future of the kingdom.
7.5While on a business trip in Los Angeles, Edward Lewis, a millionaire entrepreneur who makes a living buying and breaking up companies, picks up a prostitute, Vivian, while asking for directions; after, Edward hires Vivian to stay with him for the weekend to accompany him to a few social events, and the two get closer only to discover there are significant hurdles to overcome as they try to bridge the gap between their very different worlds.
7.3Thirty years after defeating the Galactic Empire, Han Solo and his allies face a new threat from the evil Kylo Ren and his army of Stormtroopers.
5.5The quiet life of Baker Dill, a fishing boat captain who lives on the isolated Plymouth Island, where he spends his days obsessed with capturing an elusive tuna while fighting his personal demons, is interrupted when someone from his past comes to him searching for help.
7.4A twice-divorced mother of three who sees an injustice, takes on the bad guy and wins -- with a little help from her push-up bra. Erin goes to work for an attorney and comes across medical records describing illnesses clustered in one nearby town. She starts investigating and soon exposes a monumental cover-up.
6.4A midlife-crisis burdened Shrek, longing for the days when he felt like a real ogre, makes a pact with magic deal-maker Rumpelstiltskin. But when he's duped and sent to a twisted version of Far Far Away—where Rumpelstiltskin is king, ogres are hunted, and he and Fiona have never met—he sets out to restore his world and reclaim his true love.
8.2Seventeen-year-old Stella spends most of her time in the hospital as a cystic fibrosis patient. Her life is full of routines, boundaries and self-control — all of which get put to the test when she meets Will, an impossibly charming teen who has the same illness. There's an instant flirtation, though restrictions dictate that they must maintain a safe distance between them. As their connection intensifies, so does the temptation to throw the rules out the window and embrace that attraction.
6.8Driving cross-country, Ray and his wife and daughter stop at a highway rest area where his daughter falls and breaks her arm. After a frantic rush to the hospital and a clash with the check-in nurse, Ray is finally able to get her to a doctor. While the wife and daughter go downstairs for an MRI, Ray, exhausted, passes out in a chair in the lobby. Upon waking up, they have no record or knowledge of Ray's family ever being checked in.
7.3An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.
7.5Supervillains Harley Quinn, Bloodsport, Peacemaker and a collection of nutty cons at Belle Reve prison join the super-secret, super-shady Task Force X as they are dropped off at the remote, enemy-infused island of Corto Maltese.
7.4Susan Morrow receives a book manuscript from her ex-husband – a man she left 20 years earlier – asking for her opinion of his writing. As she reads, she is drawn into the fictional life of Tony Hastings, a mathematics professor whose family vacation turns violent.
6.8The magical kingdom of Lucis is home to the world’s last remaining Crystal, and the menacing empire of Niflheim is determined to steal it. King Regis of Lucis commands an elite force of soldiers called the Kingsglaive. Wielding their king’s magic, they fight to protect Lucis. As the overwhelming military might of the empire bears down, King Regis is faced with an impossible ultimatum – to marry his son, Prince Noctis to Princess Lunafreya of Tenebrae, captive of Niflheim, and surrender his lands to Niflheim rule. Although the king concedes, it becomes clear that the empire will stop at nothing to achieve their devious goals, with only the Kingsglaive standing between them and world domination.
6.6As Batman hunts for the escaped Joker, the Clown Prince of Crime attacks the Gordon family to prove a diabolical point mirroring his own fall into madness.
6.7An epic journey into the world of dinosaurs where an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes an unlikely human friend.
5.9A car magnate watches his personal and professional life hit the skids because of his business and romantic indiscretions.
4.6Paul, Matt, and Will (in their 30s) have been friends for years. They converge at the seaside for the weekend, each with a boyfriend in tow. Paul is with Ben, his companion of five years: their relationship is on the rocks after months of Paul's moodiness since his brother Mark died. Matt brings Owen, whom he's dated for three months and wants to live with; to everyone else, they seem singularly.
5.9Intertwining couples and singles in Los Angeles break-up and make-up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine's Day.
0.0Prosecutor Maillard can rejoice: he has just obtained the death sentence of an accused accused of murder. It is the third head he gets at the assizes. There followed an evening of rejoicing with his wife and friends, including the prosecutor Bertolier. The latter's wife is Maillard's mistress. The lovers left alone, the condemned man, Valorin, burst into the room. He managed to escape during his transfer to the remand center. Valorin immediately recognized Bertolier's wife. And for good reason: at the time of the crime, they were together in a brothel. Stunned by the miscarriage of justice he has just committed, Maillard then tries to rehabilitate Vallorin while trying to avoid a scandal in the judiciary. He then calls Bertolier to the rescue. Valorin is opportunely killed "accidentally" and ... everything will go back to "order".
8.0One day, while conducting such smuggling, they lose the transaction slip - a Rs. 2 note. The film "Dui Rupaiyan" entails their quest to find that Rs. 2 and save their necks, all the while saving themselves from local thugs, police, and their boss too.
5.6Holly Grant has learned a long time ago not to rely on Santa Claus leaving Mr. Right in her Christmas stocking. But Holly is in for a surprise when a handsome man arrives on her doorstep with a twinkle in his eye and Yuletide tree in tow.
7.0A TV movie special that compiles of a few Looney Tunes episodes centered around an episode of a Christmas Carol, with the part of Scrooge played by Yosemite Sam.
7.0Santa has an accident at Fred's house on Christmas Eve, Fred and Barney have to continue his run for him.
Two British best friends and in-laws Dawn and Jackie work together at a factory. When Dawn is diagnosed with a brain tumor Jackie shares $100,000 she's got from her secret lover with Dawn to fulfil her dream - a visit to Las Vegas. They buy two tickets and fly there...
6.6While watching from her train window, Nikki Collins witnesses a murder in a nearby building. When she alerts the police, they think she has read one too many mystery novels. She then enlists a popular mystery writer to help her solve the crime on her own, but her sleuthing attracts the attentions of suitors and killers.
6.4Rudolph must find Happy, the baby new year, before the midnight of New Year's Eve.
6.9Young teacher Floras arrives to teach a class at a girls’ high school in Athens. His students, daughters of rich Athenian families, are very spoilt making his and the other teachers work difficult. When he starts implementing discipline in his class, the girls use every means to get rid of him. But the most undisciplined, Lisa Papastavrou, falls in love with him.
6.5The Little Fellow finds the girl of his dreams and work on a family farm. He helps defend the farm against criminals, and all seems well, until he discovers the girl of his dreams already has someone in her life. Unwilling to be a problem in their lives, he takes to the road, though he is seen skipping and swinging his cane as if happy to be back on the road where he knows he belongs.
6.4Ballet teacher Olivia gets more than she bargained for when she casts the talented Lily as the lead in the Christmas recital of The Nutcracker, and finds herself falling for Lily’s handsome firefighter father Michael. When a video of Michael practicing ballet with his daughter goes viral, Olivia sees how much dance really means to the community.
5.7A boy witnesses his mother kissing what he believes to be is the real Santa Clause and retaliates with mischief.
6.5Marnie puts her magic on the line to get several Halloweentown teenagers transferred to her high school in the mortal world. But soon, Marnie and her new friends are in trouble and out of luck when the evil Knight Of The Iron Dagger appears. He's determined to destroy all things magical, and it's up to Marnie to save her high school, the human world and her magic.
5.1Two girls go away to a holiday resort looking for a change of pace, hoping to meet some nice men for a change. They discover that they can't find the perfect man, and this forces them to reconsider their attitudes to men in general.